More meanderings from the mind of the Hermanator (and his, as yet unnamed muse).
There is no escape from my brain so I might as well just go with it.
My muse is banging on my head from the inside and the only way to get it to stop is to write something. I have a couple ideas but nothing that should become cumbersomely lengthy. But with my wandering ADHD brain, Juan never knows. These written exercises are, as I have probably mentioned before, primarily about self-entertainment, but occasionally they turn out to have some kind of value.
Idea #1: I was having breakfast this morning at my fav spot when I suddenly had the urge to micturate. There is nothing subtle about my urges. Ok, they are SUDDEN and URGENT! A botched prostate cancer surgery and subsequent necessary dose of radiation left me with a bit of a fried bladder which leaks a tad. This restaurant has two bathrooms. One for all genders (everybody give me an eyeroll and shake of the head, please). Knowing that my gender is included in the “all” category, I attempted entry. Alas, the door was locked! Always looking for that silver lining in the cloud I thought, ‘maybe that’s a good thing because who knows what gender could be doing what-have-you in there. Knowing the other bathroom was marked ladies, and I wasn’t feeling very girly at that moment, I quickly put the kybosh on that plan and stood in place doing my pelvic floor therapy exercises while trying to look nonchalant. Luckily it wasn’t long before another dude (I’m assuming here, please forgive) emerged from the all-gender enclave and I was able to avert disaster.
Finally, he gets to his point. Sheesh. My next dilemma… Danger Will Robinson! Major Digression About To Be Unfolded! I ran the hurdles in high school. After successfully clearing every hurdle except the last one, you have no time to congratulate yourself as you are staring at yet another hurdle. Same with life’s dilemmas. Maybe the finish line is death, but I will spare you that digression. Back to my story. So, my next dilemma was whether or not to lodge what I was considering to be a reasonable complaint. Perhaps in the non-woke world of 1965, but in the present cultural climate? I suddenly had visions of the entire cast of The View at my front door the next morning. I will air my complaint to you, my trusted readers, but mostly to make moi feel better… First off, why not make both bathrooms “all gender” so a male gets equal shot along with the ladies? To help somehow make up for all the evil patriarchal misogyny heaped upon women by men since the beginning of time? Wait a minute, who was deceived by the serpent and first bit the apple? Another major digression for another time. Closer to the present time, I imagine it’s because it is commonly thought us dudes are better equipped to be walked in on by a woman or a what-have-you. Well, not if it’s Dylan Mulvaney!! I might just run out screaming like a little girl, but that’s just me. While it is probably accurate to assume that women have more to do in there than men so maybe they should have more access. Debatable but a major digression. To make a long story endless, my main objection is that a whole nuther category of persons are being discriminated against here and that category is elderly male, a category which includes me. I already reluctantly shared my story. Every male over 55 becomes aware that he has a prostate gland and it ceases to be his friend at that point in his life. Prostates have a tendency to enlarge at this stage of life, causing urgency and frequency to micturate. Add to that the frequency of prostate cancer and you can hopefully start picking up what I’m layin down here. I don’t believe that female to male surgery includes the addition of a prostate gland and I whole heartedly agree, as I fall into yet another unnecessary digression for self-entertainment purposes only. Women are supposed to be the more empathetic of the two gender system participants. I don’t know about the what-have-yous. An infinitely wiser philosopher than myself once said, “most men live lives of quiet desperation”. I think it was Oscar Wilde. I concur. Women do tend to complain more. Hold your tomatoes please. So ladies, a little help, please. Thank you.
Wow, so much for my short piece. My buddies, who never let me forget the fact that I’m short, would say at this point, “well, Herm, everything you write is a “SHORT” piece, and then fall all over themselves in laughter. But I digress.
My second idea comes from the History-repeats-itself-whether- we- pay-attention-or-not department. Question: What do young, fatherless, unemployed, uneducated, unchurched young men of any color or ethnicity do? They form gangs of course! So why is anyone (Dems and media) surprised or pretending to be surprised about the beat down of those two NYC cops in Times square by a bunch of illegal alien young men? All this time we have been lied to about the fact that the majority of the illegals coming here consist of families when in fact the majority are young single men with who knows what kind of values or upbringing, which in the right gang environment can very easily disappear when survival becomes paramount. Unfortunately, its gonna get worse before it gets better.
I know your small but your message is tall. Great writings!
You are a BRAVE man. Taking on the bathroom wokesters. I enjoyed it including the many "digressions".